A Daring Plan Finale
We were facing our most dangerous opponent to date. Inquisitor Ferus had entered the fray and threatened to swing the balance of the battle. One mistake and we would all surely perish.
Knowing that the group’s morale was waning, I spoke calm and concisely over the comms. “Kirex. I have an idea. I want you to get in the interrogation room and lock the door. That should slow his progress. Hold tight and we will be there ASAP. We have to deal with two jelly fish robots first though.”
“OK, but you better hurry up, those aren’t two purple vibrators that he’s holding.” Kirex replied curtly masking her fear with a display of humorous bravado . I could hear the others laughing down their open mics. That’s good I thought, they are still up for this.
Note: Kirex told me afterwards that they are called Imperial Probe Droids.
Ferus moved forwards and as he did it felt like we were being smothered by a blanket of dread. “OK, this is not good.” She called over the comms, her voice strained. We could hear the crackle and fizzle of light sabers in the background, as they cut through the door.
There was nothing we could do for her until we took care of the two jelly fish. Flip hip fired his two blasters and under an intense barrage he laid waste to one jelly fish, causing it to explode in a spray of sparks. He obviously enjoyed the moment, because we all heard him yell out in triumph, but that quickly turned to yelps of pain as the last jelly fish winged him with it’s blaster.
“Don’t get cocky Kid.” I shouted from my command position, crouched behind a pew in the audience chamber.
Brassa, (new nickname: Brazzers) moved to Flip and injected him in the shoulder with another stim pack. “OW, that stung!” complained Flip.
Rictor, sensing that we were gaining momentum, advanced and took a pot shot at the last jelly fish. He must’ve hit it right in the motivator, because it started making loud whining noises and smoke curled upwards from it’s damaged plating.
Rayl’Za (new nickname: Ray-Z) had reacted badly to the doom blanket served up by the Inquisitor and had dropped to the ground while he recovered. He girded himself, then leapt up and proceeded to cleave the jelly fish in two with his vibro-ax. What happened next was very funny. Very funny to everyone except Ray-Z of course. The jelly fish went and exploded. We waited, worrying about poor old Ray-Z, for the smoke to clear, but we needn’t have bothered. There he stood wafting the smoke from his face with one hand and tamping out the smoldering embers of his crisped fur with the other. Brazzers mentioned later that the whole area smelled like burned ass hair. When I asked later how he knew, he said it was a bottle rocket accident.
Note: We still haven’t stopped quietly making jokes about the incident behind Ray-Z’s back.
Finally, our attention could be directed towards helping get Kirex and Rictor’s mum away from Ferus.
I had a brain storm, I would try and divert his attention away from us. It involved explaining to him that Korin, the real Jedi warrior he was looking for was outside and he should go out and fight her, unless he was too scared to. So, I ran over the other side of the audience chamber, poked my head out and made my plea. He looked at me impassively and then dashed my hopes upon the rocks of despair when he said, “I know. She is being dealt with by my two assistants.” I was bummed, so I ran back to my hiding spot and started thinking of a way to motivate the others to deal with him.
Brazzers was trying to administer another stim shot to Ray-Z, but was having trouble finding an area that wasn’t still smoldering. He finally managed to find a spot and injected him. Ray-Z stiffened as the stim shot surged through him, his pain receding to a dull ache.
He let out a Wookiee battle cry and took off immediately and loped down the corridor that would ultimately lead to a showdown between him and Ferus. Wisely though he stopped thirty feet short. From this spot he watched and waited, ready to exploit any opening.
Brazzers jogged up behind him, but showed less patience. He paused just long enough to toss a plasma grenade at Ferus’ back, then he ducked behind a bulkhead. A dull thump and a wave of super-heated gases rustling Ray-Z’s ‘fro indicated a successful detonation.
Meanwhile, Rictor bounded across the audience chamber, skidding just short of the outer wall. He risked a sneak peek into the corridor and caught the tail end of the plasma grenade detonation. He stood transfixed as Ferus’ cloak burned furiously and droplets of liquid fire splashed on the floor. He looked naked in his shiny black suit of battle armor, slightly less shiny since his brush with the grenade. He never faltered though and the two glowing sabers kept cutting steadily through the door. Suddenly the one in his left hand, stuttered, and shorted out with a bright spark that made his arm convulse.
Rictor couldn’t help himself. He laughed. Actually, he laughed loudly, so loudly that he attracted the unwanted attention of Ferus, who snapped his head around to glare at him. A furious sneer spread across the visible lower portion of his face, his eyes and mouth being covered by a mask. “What’s so funny?” The question dripped with such menace that Rictor knew he was in deep shab. Hastily he tried to backpedal out of sight, but Ferus shot out a hand and roared. “COME HERE!”
As Captain Ackbar is my witness, Rictor was wrenched from the doorway and flew towards Ferus, who wheeled towards Rictor in a blur of motion, his saber leveled ominously with Rictor’s midriff. Rictor was effortlessly run through by Ferus’ remaining light saber. His shriek of agony would’ve curdle a tank full of bacta. Rictor hung there, his bulging eyes looking as if they were trying to escape his ruined body.
“Why so serious? Is it not funny anymore?” His sheer metamorphosed into a cruel smirk.
_Note: Full disclosure, I’d be lying if it didn’t say that the smell of Rictor’s charred flesh made me want a McRib sandwich. I mentioned it to flip and he agreed that could go for a pulled pork sandwich, but with the vinegar based BBQ sauce, not the sweet.stuff. I agreed that I preferred the savory sauce to the sweet sauce. Then he went on to tell me that the McRib is only a promotional item and may not be available. To which I replied that I knew that and that I didn’t say that I was going to get one, but just that I had a craving for one and that I was probably going to get the pulled pork as well. It was settled, we would get pulled pork sandwiches after we were done here.
As the horrific spectacle played out, Ray-Z was galvanized into action. He rushed forward and using the wall he leaped past the gloating Ferus. With his arm outstretched he grabbed Rictor’s collar and flung him back up the corridor. Ray-Z let his motion carry him so that he was between ferus and the ailing Rictor.
Rictor lay rigidly on the floor. Unblinking eyes affixed to a spot on the ceiling. His hands were clamped to his scorched belly.
Ferus’ smirk faltered. He bared his gritted teeth, furious that his fun had been interrupted. “I see your pet has finally grown a pair and decided to face me.” He hissed raising his hand, fingers splayed. “Heel boy!” He continued, his smirk returned. Ray-Z reeled as if an invisible wall slammed into him and flew twenty feet through the air, landing with a bone crunching oomph on top of Rictor.
That was the proverbial straw that broke Rictor’s back and he fortuitously lost consciousness. Ray-Z blinked his eyes, evidently trying to regain focus in them. Then there was an agonizing screech. The sound that steel makes when it is met by a superior force co-mingling with the high pitched whine of a jet-pack at maximum power. Kirex was freed of her self imposed cage. She had ingeniously merged technology and mysticism to blast her way through the damaged door. Her and mum were now standing in the entrance to the audience chamber. A mixture of fear and strain etched on her face. It was a toss up as to whether Rictor or his mum were in worst shape, but we were pausing to discuss it.
Ferus picked himself up turned and moved in a blur away from the scrum. Brazzers was still congratulating himself on his plasma grenade maneuver from earlier, when as if by magic Ferus was suddenly in front of him. His blood felt like it had be flash frozen as he saw his life flash by. It mostly consisted of drunken debauchery and midget porn, but it gave him an idea. He had been slowly self destructing for years, so now should be no different. He primed a grenade and rolled in between Ferus’ feet. I heard him shout “YIPPEE-KI-YAY MUTHAFARKER!”, then the blast sent a feedback howl causing the rest of us to wince. RIP Brazzers was my first thought. I had only known him for a short time, but he was an artist with hi-explosives, plus he wore a cape AND was pimp enough to pull it off.
Something was weighing on Brazzers, literally. He opened his eyes and came face to face with a slack mouthed Ferus lying on top of him. He was obviously still recovering from the blast’s concussion. Brazzers was either lucky or just that good, but Ferus had protected him fully from the blast. The only effects were a bruise from where Ferus had slammed into him and the scent memory of the Dark Jedi’s halitosis.
Rolling Ferus off him, he stumbled through the conference room and out the other exit. “Ferus is vulnerable, he is still farked from that last grenade.” Brazzers called out through the comms.
I shouted encouragement to everyone. “Now’s our chance. Hit him with all you’ve got. Winner gets a chicken dinner.”
Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth Ray-Z, Kirex and Flip moved into attack positions and poured it on. Ray-Z put all his effort into an almighty swing of his vibro-ax. Ferus who was upright once more managed to get his remaining light saber up an deflected the blow from center mass to a glancing blow. The impact was still enough to make his knees buckle.
Kirex aimed and carefully squeezed off a shot sending a blaster bolt into his chest. This time he sank to the ground. “He’s down.” Shouted Kirex gleefully. “I claim me a free din— no way!”
“How many lives does this FARKER have?” Shouted Flip. Ferus was rising from the floor again. His fist was pounding into his chest like he was egging us on. “Can he even die?” Flip said more subdued, fear bleeding into his tone. He stitched a burst of fire form his twin blasters at Ferus’ head, but Ferus shifted his weight and the lethal volley singed his helmet as it whizzed by.
Time slowed as Ray-Z, Kirex, Flip and the glowering Ferus, his face set in a rictus of hatred, faced off. We had thrown everything at him, but he was still standing. His saber back-lit the scene in a wash of violet. Ferus was the first to break the spell and he staggered to his left and through the now open door to the command center. The door whisked shut behind him and locked again.
“He’s gone.” Said Kirex in a defeated tone.
“You killed him?” I inquired excitedly.
“No the fraggers that we forgot about in the command room saved his sheb.”
“Let’s get outta here.” I shouted. “Flip, call the ship down.”
“ETA, two minutes.” He replied.
We picked up the slumbering mother son pair and made our way to the hole that had been made when the rebels took out the turbo laser. The ship was waiting and we clambered onto it.
“Where’s Kirex?” I asked.
“Right here.” She answered as she appeared at the hole. “The fragger dropped his broken light saber.” She held her trophy aloft. “Now it’s mine.”
“Just get aboard.” I said, a little more annoyed than I had a right to be. We had just entered the belly of the beast and we had won. I changed my tone. “You guys were rock-stars back there. You deserve that saber Kirex. You got your hands on the package and together we succeeded. A great team effort guys.”
The strange this was that I meant every word of it. We were finally a team. Now we would heal as a team, Rictor and Ray-Z needed some of Doc. Demo’s T.L.C.