EXP AWARDED = 25
Our intelligence gathering exercise bore fruit, but unfortunately it looked like we were headed outside the city, into the wilds of the jungle. I was not happy. Humidity wreaks havoc with my coif.
We got clearance to leave the city, thanks to Kirex’s bounty hunter license, but had to rent a suitable vehicle for the spaz of the group, namely yours truly.
Leaving the city, we head South towards the volcano, the heat and humidity is BEE-RUTAL and my hair is in a right 2 & 8 by the time Rictor picks up a signal we can track.
Following the signal we finally end up in the middle of nowhere. What is interesting though is that there was also a very competently camouflaged antenna present. The antenna’s cables were buried deep beneath the jungle floor. Hmm, secret antenna and buried cables; you could say that our interest had been piqued. We followed the cables to what was sure to be a pot of gold.
Arriving, at what could only be described as, the evil villain’s secret lair. The thing screamed black site. We couldn’t wait to roll up our sleeves and crink up all sorts of shab. With visions of mountains of weapon’s, tech and information that I could parlay into cash dancing through our heads we approached the base. Unfortunately right then I had more pressing matters on my mind; the dodgy kebab I had the earlier was rearing it’s ugly head and trying to make a break for it. I stepped off behind a tree, with Kirex keeping guard, to release the hounds. That wasn’t so much the unfortunate part I was referring to. The unfortunate part was that the rest of them: Flip, Rictor and Ray had decided to try and gain entry to the base and I wasn’t there to tell them how not to do it.
Well, before they can get into too much trouble, a simp armored walker came strutting down the trail, looking like a plucked chicken, heading back to base from its patrol. Everyone scatters for cover; except me of course. I’m still redecorating the jungle floor with my liquefied insides, but lucky for me I chose a spot that was out of sight of the trail.
Seeing the opportunity, Flip, Rictor and Ray sprint in behind the walker as it enters through the blast doors and take out the two pilots after they exit the vehicle.
Kirex and I return to find two unconscious naked pilots and two simp uniforms to use as disguises.
We decided that Rictor and I would enter the base to find out any information on the whereabouts of his old dear. Carefully we made our way through the secret base until we found our way into the mechanical room. There were two simp techs working on an electrical panel and the noise of the generators drowned out all other noise. Rictor got to work breaking into the base computer system by hacking a nearby terminal. I kept watch over the door and the simp grease monkeys.
Meanwhile back in the hangar, the others were taking an inventory of the vehicles and stores. They decided that they would be more effective if they were in the walkers, so Ray and Kirex got in one and Flip got in the other. They trained the walkers’ weaponry at the two internal entrances to the hangar and waited. Later Kirex complained to me that Ray kept doing really bad smelling dog farts. I guess we need to start feeding him different food.
Rictor was quickly slicing his way through the simp engineering system and was uploading all sorts of command & control processes to his datapad, when I noticed that one of the techs looked over at us. I call him over and getting the drop on him i manage to stun him with my blaster. Not to shabby for the gimp of the group. I stuff him in a locker and take out the other tech in similar fashion (full disclosure: he may have had his back to me and been caught totally unawares, but I was still feeling like a bad-ass and tear sheb up).
Rictor reports that he can’t find the location from this terminal, as it is a closed engineering system. It seems that the base’s systems are air-gapped from each other for security purposes.
We needed to find another terminal. We had a map of the place thanks to Rictor’s efforts, so feeling brave, we headed to the communications center. If there was any comms traffic, then that is where we would find it. As we were on our way there Rictor wrestles control of the base from the simps, so that only he had access. First thing he does is lock all the base’s doors, thus trapping all the simps in their current locations.
We arrive at the comms room and coming up blank on the ideas front, we decide that we’re going to try and BS our way through it. Rictor is insistant that I ask about his old dear, but I kept telling him that she is probably not here and asking directly would be a bad idea. He insists though and that was my first mistake, listening to a grease monkey tell me how to banthashab someone.
We open the door and I start in with the BS. I manage to get the simps to answer the questions, but Rictor keeps nudging me and fidgeting because I haven’t asked about his old dear yet. I know it was a bad idea, but I finally ask if a prisoner was brought in. That is when things went South. The end result was that I had to force the simp comms jockeys to drop their weapons and Rictor got to work combing the messaging databases for news of his old dear.
Back in the hangar, Flip shoots the antenna cables and the base goes berserk. The doors are still locked down, but a couple of squads head to the hangar to check out the comms breakdown. The gang in the hangar get ready for their moment. They charge all weapons and train them at the base’s interior blast doors.
The squaddies started blasting through the door with their heavy weapon and eventually the door was breached. Kirex opened up firing at the squaddies with a concussion missile taking out 2 of them. The simps fired their heavy laser gun at the walker that Kirex and Ray were in causing some damage and giving them a scare. More concussion missiles followed from Ray and Flip, decimating the rest of squad. The fight was pretty one sided from there on.
As we were getting ready to do a runner, Rictor literally ran into a bird, who was accompanied by a platoon of DDRs. Cannily, I guessed that she was the Jedi that we had the bounty notice on. It had nothing to do with the lightsaber in her hand.
Anyway, they had been planning to assault the base, but over-planning is as bad as indecision and they had missed all the fun. The least they could do is mop up the rest of the simp resistance and then they took over the base. Once it was safe, we ran around calling dibs and licking stuff that we wanted, so the DDRs wouldn’t take it all for themselves.
Upon further review of the base’s data, it showed that we had stumbled onto a top secret base that was being used to spy on the other simp bases. It was being run by a Moth Durando.
The stupid DDRs wanted to keep on using the base, but having gotten what we had come for we were going to do a runner at first light.
We started loading up looted equipment, if it wasn’t nailed down, then we nicked it, then got some chow (I avoided the burritos) and started making plans to rescue Rictor’s old dear. The Jedi, Koren offered to help. We warned her that there was an simp Inquisitor on world that was hunting for her, but she didn’t seem fazed. I tried in vane to get a blow job off the DDR squaddies, but none of the blokes would oblige and I wasn’t going to risk it with the DDR females, as they were all right old boilers.
I hope that Rictor’s mum has, at the very least, a purtty mouth.